Pediatric Bipolar is the New Black

Things at Montessori were going so well for Hollis, I had almost let go of the trauma trigger of the cell phone ring during school hours. Until yesterday.

The day started off as usual, with me having to drag him out of bed and literally put his clothes on him. Not exactly normal for a 6 1/2 year old. He said that he wanted to stay in bed the whole day. I told him that we needed to get up and get ready for the day. What I was thinking was "Get your ass up now – we are spending $718 per month on a private Montessori and and ungodly amount of money on therapy and doctors trying to figure out what is wrong with you, so GET YOUR ASS UP AND GO EAT A POPTART." Whoever said I should "parent by instinct" was a lunatic. My instincts tells me to beat my children in Wal-Mart.

So I drop both of the kids off, and begin my day of saving women from violence. Ironically, I then get an ominous ring on my cell phone (seriously – my ring is the alarm sound from Kill Bill!) with a caller ID I had yet to see on my phone "Montessori". Oh fuck. And what has the son of the savior of women done at school? Wait for it folks . . . he punched a girl in the face. Oh yes, my son is a batterer.

So I go to the school, where they have taken him to the office. He has pulled all of the books off the bookshelf, and is in a corner of the director's office with his coat over his face. I guess that means he is not a sociopath, because he has obvious shame over his actions. Right ??????

I sit down on his level and ask him what happened. As we talk, I begin to put things back on the bookshelf and ask him to help me.He does. He tells me that he and his only friend at school (another boy who seems to be in his own little world) were playing something called the universe game. This game required that they have possession of the school's houseplant, whom they called Timmy. Well, a little girl came over, and not knowing the game, or trying in any way to hurt them, took the plant. So Hollis punched her. In the face. Without trying to talk to her first. Just punched her.

Have I mentioned at this point that we don't spank, so the child has never been hit in his life??

So the office bookshelf is once again in order, and I invite the Director and the teacher back in. They very seriously tell Hollis that they CAN NOT allow him to hit other children, and that some of the parents are starting to get worried about this new little boy who hits (WTF  – first I am hearing about other hitting episodes). He looks very sad and ashamed and says he will try better and wants to stay at Montessori. He goes back down to the class. I go back to work, shut the door of my office and cry.

Two hours later, I was in a co-workers office talking about this, and the office phone rang and was for me. I had cleverly attempted to avoid the situation by leaving my cell phone in my office, but it turns out when your child punches two more children to bring his daily total to 3, they will call your work number.

Before I had children, one of my biggest fears was of passing on "damaged" genes. There is a long and painful history of mental illness in my family and it seems that almost no one escapes it. Two of my paternal grandmother's sisters were placed in mental hospitals in the 40's and 50's, and one remained there until her death. With depression, bipolar, and substance abuse issues on both maternal and paternal sides, I am getting it from both sides. My sister was one of the bravest people in our family, facing her bulimia and alcoholism head on at age 17. That's right, 17! She has been sober for 20 years, but still struggles with depression. As far as I am concerned, I have had intrusive thoughts and anxiety my whole life, and suffered from trichotillomania as a child. Google it – expand your mind!! However, my anxiety and temper are currently under control with sugar and chocolate. I recently told a doctor who wanted me to have weight loss surgery to back off, because I was the only one in my family without a drug/alcohol problem. My problem just manifests itself in about 75 pounds of excess weight.

So as you can see, I was worried that I was just not good enough to reproduce. However, a loving and sane husband, combined with modern pharmaceuticals, (and the horrible, horrible advice to just listen to my instincts) led us to make the decision to reproduce. It was quite the shock to my system, and I am quite sure that if hell exists, mine will be caretaking a colicky infant. When the time to decide to have another child came up, what finally sealed it for me was the following mantra "He needs a witness!" As my sibilings can attest, there is nothing like calling a sibling up to complain about your parents and what horrible act they have just committed. I felt like it was the least I could do for my children!

So here we are the day after. He woke up this morning vomitting and I was actually glad. Glad because sociopaths don't feel remorse for their actions, and he was probably visuallizing having to face his class after hitting three kids. I was going to make him go to school, but he continued to vomit bile. So I called my boss, and took the little one to daycare. I went by the Montessori to tell the teacher, and she too felt sad for him. She and I are both reading "Children Who Are Not Yet Peaceful", a Montessori book on children with behavior problems.

His classmates talked about it in group time this morning, and processed what happened. One child said "Maybe he has Asberger's!" I love it. These kids are so smart and so kind, they are trying to help my son even though he continues to push their offers of friendship back in their face.

I kept him home today, and we have an appointment with a child psychiatrist on February 3. On top of his pending appointments with the psychologist, the pediatrician, and his therapist. Some of my family comment that an ass beating of epic proportions would be much cheaper.

So the chickens have come home to roost, and it was indeed the wrong week to try to give up sugar. So if you call, and I don't answer, leave a message. I will surely get back to you in about 12 years.

Be Sociable, Share!

•