Comments on: Spanking, But Not the Good Kind

By: Adrian Morgan

Adrian Morgan — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 20:38:01 +0000

I think parents should endeavour not to spank. On the other hand, I also agree with you when you say “I do not think that people who spank are wrong, evil, or abusing their children”, and I think the voice of moderation is too often lacking in these discussions.
Parents should be told that yes, they should endeavour not to spank, but also that it’s not the end of the world if they do. Otherwise we risk getting parents whose determination not to spank drives them to inflict far worse punishments as a substitute (and I’m convinced this happens).
The one thing spanking has going for it over just about every alternative is that it only hurts for a few seconds, and then it’s over. I was spanked sometimes, but in my experience the physical discipline was nowhere near as psychologically damaging as some of the things that were said when I was being shouted at.
This is in no way an endorsement of physical discipline, but of all the messages we should send to parents, “don’t spank” is not as important as “try not to let your own emotions and tiredness dominate the way you treat your kids”, or “sometimes you will fail as a parent, everyone does, but everything will be OK so long as you learn from your mistakes and treat tomorrow as a new day”.

By: Joe Anderson

Joe Anderson — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 14:45:32 +0000

You know I’m from Oklahoma, right? :)

By: Ashley B

Ashley B — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 17:13:45 +0000

Rock on Heidi! Never been spanked and I wouldn’t dream of hitting my child. I just couldn’t justify it at all- time out works just fine for us. If spanking were so effective, wouldn’t it still be allowed in all the schools, like it was when I was a kid. I still have horrible memories of seeing kids getting paddled out in the hallway. Every time I hear someone at Walmart threaten their kid with a spanking, it absolutely makes me nauseous. I’m sure there are more intelligent ways to act and discipline a child.

By: JJ

JJ — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 10:59:56 +0000

This is obviously a VERY touchy and personal parenting decision. But, I have to say, if a child under two gets away from me and runs into the road, then I need the spanking. A toddler has no ability to make decisions about his or her safety! Hitting an 18 month old baby this week is not going to prevent them from running into the road next week.
I just can’t spank my kids because I don’t believe that physical pain is a smart or loving teaching tool. And I don’t understand the idea that spanking isn’t hitting, or that it’s not supposed to cause physical pain. Isn’t that exactly what it is? I can’t smack my kid and then punish him for smacking his brother. Way too confusing, even for me.

By: Susan Willever

Susan Willever — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 09:01:42 +0000

I can’t not belive you are saying that hitting is the same as spanking. The intent of spanking is not to hurt the child, I WOULD NEVER HURT MY CHILDREN – EVER and the thought that you think that I spank them as a way of getting off on hurting people is crazy.
When I spank my child it is becasue they are doing something wrong and that talking to them and putting them or their toys in time out didn’t work. It is used as an attention getter, because nothing else is working. It is never in excess and NEVER hard. The fact that you think that by spanking my children that I am not raising them to be independent people and thinkers is crazy.
I do belive to each his own way of parenting. And if you don’t want to spank your children then that is your right – as a parent. But do not look down on those of us who do. All children are different and for some time out is a great thing and works well, but it doesn’t for all.

By: Swoopy

Swoopy — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 23:41:56 +0000

I will never think of Rodgers and Hammerstein the same way again.

By: Heidi Anderson

Heidi Anderson — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 21:02:46 +0000

Stop it Tom, I can’t take the internet flirting from you. Too hot.
Oklahoma! Oklahoma!!!!

By: Tom

Tom — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 20:48:37 +0000

Why wouldn’t this hold true for adult spanking as well: “its effectiveness decreases with subsequent use. The only way to maintain the initial effect of spanking is to systematically increase the intensity with which it is delivered, which can quickly escalate into abuse.”
Or is having “Oklahoma” as the safety word sufficient precaution?
:-)

By: Bill Bancroft

Bill Bancroft — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 20:00:23 +0000

Well put..I do like the fact that spnaking between concenting adults is ok…weird, but OK…

By: Jim

Jim — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 18:07:47 +0000

If you want to come at this from anything except an emotional perspective, you have to back it up. A lot of recent research does not support your absolute position. This isn’t a black and white issue.