As many of you can guess, I am vehemently pro-choice. It is not because I have a deep hatred for embryos and fetuses, although I have been genuinely interested in only two. Instead for me it is about a woman’s right to control her destiny, and the fact that a woman’s destiny is directly tied to her reproductive freedom.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, the dirty sluts should keep their legs crossed, or give it up for adoption. Sure. And men should be forced to account for every loose sperm that escapes from their balls. I tend to get even more crass than usual when discussing abortion, because so much of the crap I hear is from men. It is probably wrong for a self-professed skeptic to admit this, but if you don’t have a uterus, I am less than interested in your take on abortion. I will however, be very interested to know where you are NOT putting your penis to avoid creating a pregnancy. I can refer you to various acts that you as a man can perform to help lower the demand for abortion, including one that involves your head and your asshole.
So the SC Legislature has recently tried to introduce legislation that would try to get women to “wait” for 24 hours before having an abortion. Presumably to pray and meditate, or perhaps create a Facebook poll to get input from friends and family (Should Heidi have an abortion? Here are my top five reasons she should!) This is so insulting to women, and I can’t understand the ethics of forcing me to wait for a legal procedure. Do they make men wait 24 hours before filling a Viagra prescription? Do they make women or men wait 24 hours before agreeing to have sex that could result in a pregnancy? Do I need to wait 24 hours before getting breast implants to to increase my sex appeal and chances of having recreational sex? (Ok those who know me, who is laughing at the idea of ME with implants!)
A quick shout out to all those having gay sex; I am also vehemently pro-sodomy, pro-oral, and pro-mutual masturbation – straight people can learn much from you!
It seems that people want women to focus on the importance of the decisions they make about abortion. We always hear about women who regretted their decision, or those who struggled long and hard and felt it was the ONLY decision for them.
What about another group? The group that thinks about the decision rationally, makes a plan, goes through with the plan, and does not regret it? Are we so used to women being thought of as irrational that we believe they need extra time to make decisions? Is this the reproductive health version of hitting from the red tees?
I have personally never had an abortion, but I would have. I have been sexually active since 17, and was so frightened of pregnancy that I was on the Pill AND used condoms. I was semi-selective about my partners, and very good at sexual negotiation. Mostly. There was a Russian exhange student who got the short end of the stick, but that was the stick’s fault, not mine. And it was a tree, not a stick. No thank you! Bigger is not always better, fellas.
Had I gotten pregnant in high school and college, I would certainly have had an abortion. In fact, had I tried to keep the pregnancy, my family would have been disappointed. People in our family did not have children early, as it was seen as an impediment to reaching life goals. And the majority of the time, it is. Teen moms face a rough road, a road that is often NOT made better by those who pressure teens to continue their pregnancies.
My parents made sure that I knew about sex, and raised me to make my own sexual decisions. My sex life was not seen as an expression of their parenting, but an expression of my love/lust/boredom/whatever I chose it to be. In fact, when I lost my virginity at 17, I read up on sex like it was a final, told my mother that I wanted to spend the night with the guy to make it easier emotionally (to which she laughed) and informed my boyfriend that we would both achieve orgasm prior to intercourse in order to make it less painful for me and longer lasting for him. I was on the pill for three months prior to the event, and do not regret the experience at all. In fact, it was the best possible event a girl could have, save for having rose petals sprinkled on the sheets, which I found out a friend of mine did when he deflowered his girlfriend.
So even though I never experienced pregnancy until I was ready, I was there for friends and family when they had their abortions. I used to volunteer as an escort at an abortion clinic in college, and the taunts of the protesters were always so hilarious to me. In fact, the protester who called me a Cosmo girl was always my favorite. Sadly, she was the only person to ever see me as a glamorous sexual adventurer, and I miss her.
However, the morning I took my friend to have an abortion, it was not so funny. Now, I am all about freedom of speech, and their right to protest, but I can still get mad at them. Here was a person who had made a decision about a LEGAL MEDICAL PROCEDURE. Can you imagine your private medical decisions being met with public protest? When you decide to go on Paxil, what if Tom and Katie showed up with little Suri holding a sign protesting against psychiatry? Or what if when you got a vasectomy, the Catholic Church showed up protesting non-procreative sex? Or you decide, smartly I may add, to vaccinate your child, and Jim Carey and Jenny McCarthy show up and throw breast implants at you?
Of the numerous people I know who have had abortions, not one regrets the decision. NOT ONE! Now of course the plural of anecdote is not evidence, but I would have expected at least one of the women in my life to tell me how they wish they had thought about it more, or that they mourned the loss of the pregnancy. Instead, I heard stories about how the availability of safe and legal abortion allowed them to achieve goals in their life that would have been denied, and would have prevented the family they currently had. None of them took the decision lightly, and all of them understood exactly what the procedure was.
My friends were thoughtful rational creatures, who were capable of making decisions about their body on their own. They were not stupid then, and women are not stupid now.
From one of the not stupid women in your life, Heidi, you sum it up so well.What the right wind has done has turned a not so pleasant medical procedure into a fucking Saturday Night Live skit for some of us who have had abortions. From the weird ass protesters, to holding numbers like you were in the lottery or in a race, to tense couples, to old security guards handing out auto detailing fliers to folks in the waiting room or to women who correct the counselor because they have been to the clinic so many times.
All in all, it is a bizarre, almost surreal trip thanks to the “asshats” who want to shut it down.
I was tossed out of the Catholic Church for a ‘crisis in my faith’ which is a polite way of saying…I had a disagreement with a Priest and his views on Abortion… during the service.
I also hate the terms: Pro-Life and Pro-Choice. Those that would deny a woman her right to choose her own biological destiny do not a have a philosophy that is ‘Pro-Life’ it is more C.U.N.T. (Can’t Understand Normal Thinking) … and ‘Pro-Choice’ really makes it appear as if CHOICE is something that should have EVER become an issue that is legislated.
I also am repulsed by the members of the Cult of the Sanctity of Life as Evidenced by their worship of a ZOMBIE who fight against abortion, pray for embryos but throw Tea Parties to protest money spent on the health care for the children that the fetuses they are so fucking concerned about are when they exit the uterus.
Bah!!! I think that I am going to add one more side to the Abortion debate… I want to start a Pro-RetroActive Abortion group.
There was only one protestor when I went for mine. (February in Minnesota is an outdoor crowd-thinner.) She yelled, “You don’t have to do this! Jesus can help!” My escort was trying to distract me, but it didn’t work. I laughed out loud. It just seemed to random and completely out of place when you consider what ACTUALLY went through my head to get me heading in for an abortion. It just goes to show how out of touch they are. OK, I said the escort’s distraction efforts didn’t work, but it did work enough to keep me from replying. I decided to talk about the weather with the escort instead of asking the protestor when Jesus would arrive to transfer the embryo into another womb, since that was the only thing I could think of that might actually “help.”
You know, Jesus transferring the embryo would be an excellent plan!!! Perhaps after he learns to heal amputees, he can work on that.
Heidi
Let me offer my MALE opinion that obviously doesn’t matter.
Here is my stance. I think abortion for birth control is ethically disgusting. Sorry but when you make bad choices, you should deal with those bad choices in a civil humane way. Abortion is the easy way out.
With that out of the way, I will never call for abortion to be banned because there are so many legit reasons it exists. The same with partial birth abortion. If you don’t know about partial birth abortions then you should read about it. It is sickening BUT I support keeping the procedure legal because guess what? I am not a doctor. Until there is an overwhelming majority of DOCTORS that say there is no need for the medical procedure then I will just keep my opinion out of it because I assume there is a medical reason for the procedure to exist.
In the end, I am pro-choice because it isn’t the federal government’s job to legislate morality. This is a moral issue. I also disagree with Roe vs. Wade because once again the Federal government should remove itself from these types of issues. It is a state’s rights issue. The federal gov’t wasn’t created so that every state lives under the exact same laws. I will also say if you start restricting abortion you will always hurt some of the people that truly need the procedure. And that is truly a crime.
So while abortion for birth control sickens me, it is an evil that has to be endured so that all the women that really need the procedure can get it.
My wife and I discussed what we would do if she got pregnant and the fetus has a known birth defect/problem. My wife and I agreed that she would most likely get an abortion.
BTW, adoption rates would most likely be much higher in this country if the stupid freakin government would stay out of the way. With the current adoption process, we would rather adopt international because it is easier with less risks.
Jim, I don’t know how to tell you this, but abortion is a form of birth control. It is.
I’m grateful that you realize that you have no business attempting to legislate control over anyone else’s body, but I still find your attitude toward abortion troubling because it conjures up the Right Wing demons of Abortion Happy Feminists scheduling them after their pedicure and before martinis.
While most women who have abortions don’t regret them, none of them have them lightly, and by considering their decision disgusting you’re discounting the thought and time that goes into making the decision to abort. For some of us, like me or Heidi, it probably would have been a no brainer: This is not what I want, and I’m not going to go through with this pregnancy.
But for a lot of women, they look long and hard at their reality before making the decision. The Guttmacher Institute has a study. Most women who get abortions have already had at least one child, and cite financial reasons for not having another one right now. In fact, they are being INCREDIBLY responsible by making sure that they can take care of the child(ren) they already have.
And that’s disgusting to you?
How does a fetus adversly affect a woman’s destiny?
You know nothing about what could have been.
Your arguments for killing a fetus on the basis of destiny are nonsense
“While most women who have abortions don’t regret them, none of them have them lightly, and by considering their decision disgusting you’re discounting the thought and time that goes into making the decision to abort.”
Ok lets set the context here. We are talking about morality and ethical decision making. Everything you just mentioned is irrelevant in regards to whether using abortion as birth control is moral and/or ethical. You are talking from emotion not a rational standpoint.
“For some of us, like me or Heidi, it probably would have been a no brainer: This is not what I want, and I’m not going to go through with this pregnancy.”
So your BAD choices in life trump(not using protection) the potential life of another? Once again, adoption while sucking ass in this country, is always a choice AND more ethical choice than abortion. You choose abortion because once again it is the EASY choice, not the most ethical or moral choice.
“But for a lot of women, they look long and hard at their reality before making the decision. The Guttmacher Institute has a study. Most women who get abortions have already had at least one child, and cite financial reasons for not having another one right now. In fact, they are being INCREDIBLY responsible by making sure that they can take care of the child(ren) they already have.”
Financial reasons? It is a “reason” but lets call that what it is….BULLSHIT. Last I looked it doesn’t cost anything to give up a child for adoption. Not to mention financial reasons HARDLY make it an ethical or moral choice. And if you are going to talk about financial reasons, you should be able to understand the finances involved with buying a condom.
Lastly, I would like to point out that legality doesn’t mean something is moral. So that argument completely fails.
While Heidi doesn’t care about a male perspective, it doesn’t take having a vagina to look at a choice and evaluate the morality of it.
Jim: Whose morals and ethics are we talking about here? Those are amazingly subjective terms. Some folks seem to think it’s perfectly moral and ethical to deny rights like marriage to the percentage of our citizens who happen to be attracted to people of the same gender.
Some people think it’s perfectly moral and ethical, nay mandatory, to beat their children to death for being gay, or for not conforming in other ways to their religion.
Some people think it’s perfectly moral and ethical to shoot doctors who perform procedures they don’t agree with.
I’m just curious, who gets to decide which morals?
For the record, morality isn’t a very logical argument.
And I never equated legal and moral. I happen to think this country has a lot of immoral laws on the books.
If you think having a child adopted is easy, try it with an interracial baby, or one born addicted to drugs, or who has special needs through no fault of the mother’s save losing the genetic lottery.
Oh, and my one pregnancy scare occurred while on the pill AND using condoms. I was on antibiotics, using the pill as a back up, and the condom ripped.
So my irresponsible ass who was having sex with my husband, but who neither wanted nor intended to have kids and took every precaution should have been forced to bear a child that in all likelihood would end up bearing the burden of my fucked up genetics?
Yes, I can see how that would have been a very moral and ethical decision on my part.
Contrary to some of the discussion, birth control is not always readily available to individuals or it is priced out of their reach. I know from speaking with friends raised in Eastern Europe that they did not always have access to even condoms and even they did, they were poorly manufactured and had an extremly high failure rate. Abortions were often one of their only options to deal with a pregnancy. As far as finances being a reason, recent stats show that abortion numbers are up due to the poor economy. Even married couples who planned their pregnancys are finding that they had to opt for abortions due to losing their jobs/foreclosures and so forth. If you think it is an easy decision to carry a baby that you wanted and can’t afford and then have to give it up for adoption…well I can’t think of anything more difficult. Maybe I am being overly sensitive, since I am pregnant myself with a child that we have tried for 4+ years to concieve. But that has not changed my view of being pro-choice and respecting that it is the individual’s right to make their own reproductive decisions. At the end of the day, it is not our job to impose our moral belief system on anyone else. They need to make the decision about what is best for them and their situation.
What I really loved about this piece was the part where you wrote that your sexual choices were not an expression of your parents’ parenting but an expression of your own desires/whatever. I love that: we so often criticize the horrors of such things as honor killings in many parts of the world without looking at how much we treat girls’ and women’s sexuality as still the possession of the family. I’ve actually heard people say things like “that father should lock up his daughter” because she was perceived as promiscuous, whether she really was or not, and whether or not she was having sex safely and with consent.
Personally – I think anyone who is NOT capable of ever becoming pregnant should even be allowed to voice an opinion on this topic as they will never find them self faced with such a situation or understand the depth of the decision.
But why even argue this topic? Each and every person has strong feelings on it they have to come of their own accord. And arguing it out never changes anything – just gets people worked up. Heck – even Roe of Roe vs. Wade tried to get the decision reversed many years later and SHE couldn’t change it.
Maybe they all should be forced to listen to the Doug Stanhope comedy routine about being PRO Abortion… “Suck all of them out before they corrupt the world and ruin my nights out at nice, quiet restaurants!”. ;)
I like the “What would Jesus Do” approach to this kind of discussion. First, I think he would start out as the Son of God, and be born in a manger, spend a lot of time ministering to the poor, healing and forgiving, then he would sacrifice himself for the wellbeing of other people. Only THEN, would appoint right-wing judges to the Supreme Court so that he could get Roe V. Wade overturned. See how easy it is to resolve these complicated issues with just a little faith and good, old-fashioned reasoning.