Last year, I was sure that discussing safe anal sex procedures in front of famed atheist/evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins at TAM (during a workshop on sexuality) would be the highlight of my speaking career. Now, I am not so sure.
In April, on the weekend of my 38th birthday, I will be in Washington DC presenting a workshop at Momentum, at conference that is “making waves in sexuality, feminism and relationships through new media!” Not only that, but I will be presenting at the same conference as just about every single one of the women I have followed in the sex positive community, including Tristan Taormino, Always Aroused Girl, Anita Wagner, Jenny Block, Dylan Ryan, Carol Queen, Ducky Doolittle, and SUSIE FREAKING BRIGHT!!!!!!!!!!
My workshop:
A Spoonful of Sugar Makes the Vanilla Go DownPresenter
Heidi AndersonSexual assault prevention has generally been focused on two things: teaching women strategies to avoid being victims (watching your drink, parking in well lit areas) and teaching men that “no means no!” This not only reinforces the “women are the gatekeepers and men are the aggressors” sexual stereotype, but also patronizes, alienates, and makes heterosexist assumptions about the very audience it is intended to reach. In addition, the heavy focus on date rape drugs and stranger assault ignore the reality of what the majority of sexual violence actually looks like.
But what if we approached it from a different perspective? What would happen if we used the opportunity to share a vision of healthy sexuality, rather than using horror stories to scare young people into “good behavior?” What would a consent curriculum based on sexual negotiation techniques practiced in BDSM and non-monogamy look like? Can kink practices make sex safer for everyone?
I’m very happy for you; I hope your workshop is well-attended. As an active member of the kink community in Austin, TX, as well almost completing my Masters in Counseling, I totally agree with your view that the kink and non-monogamous communities have a huge lead in sex-positive messages and sexual negotiating that the vanilla community sorely needs to learn. Good luck!
Thank you De’Juan! I hope it is well received. The hard part, of course, will be getting the message into the vanilla community – but most of it really is basic boundary setting and listening, so I hope it works!
I think this is an excellent idea! And yes, unfortunately it won’t likely initially be well received in the mainstream :(
Our standard approach to sexual assault awareness and prevention is in a black/white vacuum that doesn’t or can’t address the complexities and messiness of what sex, gender, communication, self-esteem, etc. all bring to the table.
I wish I could be in DC for this amazing conference!
Dear Heidi,
I got chills when I read about your presentation. What a helpful perspective. You are doing great work! What a thrill it must be to have the opportunity to present to such amazing and respected women! I very much enjoyed listening to you at TAM and I wish I could be in DC to hear you present in April. But I will be on the other coast receiving training for sexual rights activists. Check out this organization: http://swopusa.org/
I hope to see you at this years TAM.
Warmly,
L.A. Foxx
I know I said it at the conference but I wanted to just say one more time, I REALLY enjoyed your presentation! As someone who volunteers in the field of sexual assault survivor support & prevention, I appreciated your take on things because you put specific words and ideas to vague feelings of discomfort with aspects of the movement that I have been noting and poorly trying to vocalize (example: http://imaginetoday.net/2010/09/29/victim-blaming-with-the-best-intentions/) for so long. I wish I’d gotten a little bit more time to talk to you at the conference!
Anyways, I just wanted to say thanks for being awesome… and also to let you know that I tried to liveblog your workshop. I don’t know if any of it will be useful to you (I’m a much better blogger than I am a live-blogger) but I thought you might like to see it all the same :) http://imaginetoday.net/2011/04/02/momentum-liveblog-part-three/
Thank you for a great session!
- Jill