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I was thinking about conformity and happiness today. Talking with my sister, we acknowledged how often we feel alone and as if we don’t fit in, and how we feel sad too. But she reminded me that the propensity for sadness is in us regardless, and is not due to non-conformity. One of my sons is a different child, and I know he will struggle. My goal is to help him love himself while struggling, and help him modulate his anxiety in healthier ways than disrupting class.
There are people in this world who are touched with darkness* and those who are not. Call it what you will, but I can generally feel it and sense it in people. The more difficult of my sons has it, but the younger one seems to not have it.
People who do not understand what it is to be “touched by darkness” often have little patience for those of us who do. We are told to snap out of it, to cheer up, to learn to fit in, to learn to get along in the world.
What people do not understand is that in many ways, the darkness comes from seeing the world EXACTLY as it is, and lamenting over the fact that nothing we do will change that. We take this as a tragedy and a personal failing, and often struggle to want to remain in this world.
A friend gives examples of what we hear: ”Why are you always so miserable? Why do you get upset so easily? Why can’t you just be happy? Stop getting worked up over things that don’t matter!” ”Just relax! Everything is fine!”
It can be soul shattering to hear those things – because we know the suffering that is going on, and we know we can’t stop it.
What people like me have to learn to do is to take our joy where we can find it, and learn to pretend to be normal to not scare the normal folk.
But inside, we are still just as touched by darkness as we always were. We have just learned to only share it with those who understand.
*I used to think this was basically code for mental illness, and while it certainly can mean that, I also think it signifies a heightened sensitivity and sense of empathy.
In a completely unexpected turn of events, I completed the fundraising campaign early and Will Phillips and his family will be able to come to DragonCon!!!
In fact, due to raising the money quicker than I expected, I am cutting off the bidding for lunch with Dr. Aubrey de Grey and will instead pay for he and the Phillips family to have lunch together!
Thanks to everyone who helped, and here is a great pic of Will getting ready!
Thanks to the incredible generosity of SO many donors, I only have $700 $600$500 $330 (As of July 26, 2010) to raise fully fund the trip to DragonCon for marriage equality activist Will Phillips.
So, if you want to help get Will and his family to DragonCon in Atlanta THIS Labor Day for his birthday, PLEASE help me by donating below! Click on the photo to be taken to Paypal :)
In 2009, Will Phillips, showed more courage at age 10 than many adults do their whole lives. After being raised to believe in the inherent worth of each person by his parents, Laura and Jay Phillips, in the small town of West Fork, Arkansas, Will put his values into practice when he refused to stand for the Pledge of Allegiance until gays could marry; or in his words, until “there truly is liberty and justice for all!”
Will and his parents have been celebrated and honored at not only the GLAAD Media Awards, but also by GLSEN, GetEQUAL, and most recently, as the Grand Marshal for Northwest Arkansas Pride. However, they have also had tremendous amounts of hate directed at them, including people claiming that his parents are “harming him” by raising him to be speak his mind and stand up for what is right.
I have been extremely lucky to become friends with Laura and Jay Phillips, and even had the opportunity to interview Jay and Will for the Podcast Beyond Belief earlier in June. During this interview, I spoke with Jay and Will about their love of Star Trek, and geekiness in general. I told them about DragonCon, one of the largest pop culture conventions in the world, held in Atlanta every Labor Day weekend.
I mentioned DragonCon to Laura again, and she explained that it would indeed be something that Will would go crazy for, and that his birthday was even in September, but that with all of their travel they would have to look at it for another year. Despite what people may think about “fame” and TV appearances, the Phillips are just like most of us, regular people struggling to get by.
And then I had an idea.
Surely, other people would join with me in thanking Will for taking a stand, and providing inspiration to people of ALL ages.
Surely, we could raise enough to get his family to Atlanta for DragonCon, and show them how much we appreciate the gift they have given us, the gift of a future with Will Phillips in it!
So, if you want to help get Will and his family to DragonCon in Atlanta THIS Labor Day for his birthday, PLEASE help me by donating below!
I have already booked their lodging, and will guarantee that I will do whatever it takes to get enough money to make this happen, even if it means filling in gaps myself.
For donors who will be at DragonCon, I am sure we can convince Will to come to a birthday party on-site :) I know for a fact that he and his family like cake and pie!
For more information on Will’s story, I have provided links below.
Will’s first TV appearance, with his father Jay Phillips, on CNN in 2009.
Will’s Award Acceptance Speech at the GLAAD Media Awards in March 2010, which ends with the Vulcan Salute, “Live Long and Prosper”
Will’s GetEqual Pledge
Thank you for helping to give back to this little boy, who has given us so much hope for the next generation.
Hell yeah!!!! The Spartanburg Spark, the alternative press in my town, has named me one of THE people in Spartanburg to follow on Twitter.
In fact, Steve Shanafelt says “In an area not exactly known for looking favorably on sex-positive, GLBTIQ-friendly discussions, Anderson’s tweets are refreshingly unrepressed without being needlessly naughty. And while she’s not limited to the subject — science, atheism, skepticism and personal insight are all part of her charm — it’s the smart smut that makes her Twitter account worth following. Her blog is pretty good, too.”
That’s right motherfuckers, PRETTY GOOD!!!
However, I do feel slightly sorry for any new twitter followers who were promised sexually provocative tweets and logged in to only find ramblings of a daughter losing her father.
Oh well, at least they can witness the black humor that is me. Nothing funnier than tweets of me calling my father a fucking rock star skateboarder.
Our family got a dog about two weeks ago. I called a local no-kill shelter (funny, considering we took our bad dog to the yes-kill shelter four years ago) and asked if they had any dogs that were good with kids. They told me about a four year-old, male poodle/bichon mix they had, and my son and I went to visit him.
He was absolutely adorable, we adopted him (although I think we could have gotten a chinese baby girl for less money) and I have once again become a dog person. The same woman who can not sleep with her husband now shares a bed with a warm pile of fluff that loves her unconditionally, never slaps her and screams for juice, never punches kids at Montessori, and never talks. Ever. About anything, but especially not about Lego Star Wars.
So what is a white, liberal/bordering on socialist woman with an extremely high IQ(email me – I will tell you!) and sense of social justice to name her dog? Well at the shelter his name was Kiko. I did not like that, so I changed it to Biko. You do know who Biko is right? Stephen Biko, the South African anti-apartheid martyr that Peter Gabriel immortalized in his mid 1980′s song of the same name?? Of course you don’t because I am not only smarter than you, I’m better.
Only this week has it occurred to me that perhaps it is, oh I don’t know, slightly douchebaggy to name your dog, an all white dog no less, after the hero whose death mobilized the anti-apartheid movement in South Africa. I bet his children and grandchildren would think, “Thank you, oh beautiful nice white lady. It is only through you naming your dog after our father do we feel his memory truly lives on. Thank you for carrying the torch of freedom throughout the neighborhood of Fernwood, in the magical land of tolerance, Spartanburg, South Carolina.”
If I die tomorrow, please have the dog carry my ashes in a pouch on his body, while Peter Gabriel’s Biko plays throughout whatever secular meeting hall you can reserve. I think that Stephen Biko, who died in the custody of the South African police who were not held accountable and claimed it was suicide (he beat HIMSELF to death) would approve and say that we are indeed brothers in the fight against evil.
In 2009, Will Phillips, showed more courage at age 10 than many adults do their whole lives. After being raised to believe in the inherent worth of each person by his parents, Laura and Jay Phillips, in the small town of West Fork, Arkansas, Will put his values into practice when he refused to stand for the Pledge of Allegiance until gays could marry; or in his words, until “there truly is liberty and justice for all!”
