I was at a lovely Mexican restaurant with my children and husband for dinner tonight. The sweet young hostess even put the tv near us on Nickelodeon so the children would zone out while eating and Marty and I could talk. Bliss.

When the next show came on, she comes up and says, "Are you ok with your kids watching Spongebob? Do you want me to change the channel?"

I smile and say "Oh no, we have been watching Spongebob for years. I love it, and know all the episodes by heart." It's true. My favorite line is Patrick laughing and saying "Hahahaha, it's a giraffe!"

She says, "Well, I don't let my 21/2 year old daughter watch it because some people think Spongebob is . . . you know, GAY! I don't want her to be exposed to that."

I am horrified. I did not know people like this existed apart from the "Good" Reverend Jerry Falwell; I thought it was just a myth. I mean, for Christ sake, he is a sponge! Although I guess Patrick did dress up as a girl once, and Spongebob and he did adopt that clam together. . . but it's a cartoon!

I just smile and nod, and hope she goes away.

The rest of the meal was good, but it stuck with me. And then, in my mind, I replaced gay with black, or Jewish, or Muslim, or anything this young girl might have been afraid of. I decided I had to say something.

As I got my sons' coats from her, I thanked her profusely for her assistance in making our evening enjoyable. I then leaned in, when no one else was there and said, "You need to be careful about talking poorly about gay people with strangers. You don't know me, and you don't know what I think. I have friends and family members who are gay, and I don't appreciate it."

She mumbles some apology about also having gay friends, and how sorry she is, and whatever.

I smile sweetly, and tell her "Also, Spongebob is a sponge. Sponges are asexual invertebrates – just so you know."

I felt so smug and self-aware and proud of myself. And I still am.

But I just wiki'ed sponges, and goddammit, they reproduce sexually!