Let’s face it, ladies. Whether you are suffering from an impending period, a bloated day, stretch marks from a prior pregnancy, or you just are self-conscious because you have a few pounds to lose, there are days when you don’t feel sexy — and it all relates to tummy (or some other part of the body) fat.

via www.sheknows.com

If you and a guy (or girl) are having sex, haven’t you already proven that they are at least mildly attractive.

And doing it in the dark or while wearing an old t-shirt? Who the hell does that?

She taught us that our sexuality was something for making us feel good, and not something to barter, trade, or give away. To teach a girl that her sexuality was for pleasure first, not reproduction, expressing love, or gaining favor, was truly a revolutionary idea.

via www.edenfantasys.com

:)

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This piece is also cross posted on aagblog and was a collaboration between the two of us. She claim that I did all the work, but I think that is just her way of saying I am a bigger slut. :)

Not long ago my pal Heidi
and I were talking about our mutual intractable sluttiness. We intended
to work together on this post but I'll be perfectly honest–Heidi did
all the work.

Read on and make sure to answer the question we pose in the comments. –aag

——

When I was a girl, I couldn’t wait to grow up and be promiscuous.
Seriously. I was born with a libido that would put many a man to shame,
and had mastered my own domain many years earlier. I was ready to
venture into the big leagues, and because I was raised with parents
that taught me the reality of sex, I knew that it was also a
responsibility.

I planned my first sexual encounter with the same attention to
Martha Stewart brings to flower arranging. I knew exactly what I
wanted, how I wanted it to “go down”  (pun intended – that was a
requirement for the big night) and what the safety precautions were to
be (me on the Pill for 3 months minimum, condom of course). In fact, I
prepared for the big night so much that even my mother kind of laughed
at my expectations. However, my unwillingness to settle not only led me
to what was an amazing first sexual experience that set the tone for
the rest of my life (thanks Lee!) but also to ideas about what the
purpose of sex was. And the purpose of sex, simply put, was to get off.
Preferably with a nice person you enjoy talking to as well, although
that is not a requirement.

I had not planned on falling in love with the person I had my first
sexual experience with, but hey, it happened. In fact, it made the
experience even more awesome in a romantic teen girl way, but more
importantly, I liked him. The love and relationship piece however, did
get in the way of the promiscuity aspect.

After I followed the above boyfriend to College, which rarely if
EVER works out, we of course broke up. And here was my chance! Slutdom
here I come, casual sex everywhere!! Him and him and him and maybe even
her! And of course, you know what happened. I slept with a guy on the
first date (without knowing his last name, I might add), and of course,
he called. And continued to call. And we fell in love and dated for a
long time. Once again promiscuity would have to wait.

While dating this guy, I became friends with my astronomy teachers
assistant (SCIENCE!).He was a nice guy, a little older, and sweet as
could be. When the boyfriend above broke up with me, the TA asked me
out, and again, I was very excited at the prospect of casual sex! Woo
hoo! Sex with someone different! Needless to say, I repeated the same
mistake, slept with him on the first date, and immediately started
dating him. Slut FAIL! Perhaps I should have been a lesbian?

This relationship lasted awhile, and when he and I broke up, I made
myself take an oath of celibacy. Not because I thought sex was bad, but
because I did not want another relationship. I wanted to find myself,
grow, and all that stuff, and thought that a man would get in the way
of that. So instead I focused on myself, my career, and friends. Of
course, one of those friends eventually ensnared me in his web of sexy
engineering goodness, and that was it. Chances for promiscuity were
gone, as I had found the man I would marry. However, it was a small
sacrifice to make to find (or find again) the only man in the world I
could have even begun to imagine marrying and raising children with.

I sucked at promiscuity. I tried repeatedly to be a free spirit, put
myself into sexual situations with men I did not know, and expected
them not to call. But they did. Although I would love to blame it on
the quality of my “game,” I am pretty sure it can be boiled down to a
few basic reasons: I did not drink and therefore never slept with
someone drunk that I would not have even talked with sober; I was a fat
girl – therefore the dudes I slept with were at least not shallow
enough to hate women who looked different; and finally, when I had sex,
I was responsible for my own body, safety AND orgasms. I never slept
with a man to “get” him, not did I sleep with a guy to get attention. I
was an active participant in the sex, and EXPECTED that it would be
good for me as well. I made it very clear up front what my boundaries
were, and that if that was not ok, then later tater!

I know my experience is unusual, because I was able to watch friends
of mine in high school and college as they navigated their own sexual
journeys. However, as much as I loved my friends, and wanted to support
them, it became painful to watch women who were FAR MORE ATTRACTIVE
THAN ME sleep with the biggest losers in the world, and then tolerate
douchebaggy behavior from them. I had friends in high school and
college who were into the double digits of lovers before they knew that
anything other than missionary style was possible. I wanted to scream
at them, for fuck’s sake, do the entire football team if you want, BUT
GET OFF! The female orgasm is NOT OPTIONAL!

As I was talking one night with my friend (squee – love to call her my friend) aag of aagblog.com, we discussed this and what the word "promiscuous" means. We decided that we need TWO words for that concept. Listen in?

aag: There's lots of sex because sex is awesome.

Heidi: Like Samantha on Sex and the City, even though that show was kind of stupid.

aag: Yes! Then there's lots of sex because you're needy and want something OTHER than the sex.

Heidi: Exactly.

aag: Do those words exist?

Heidi: No, but we should create them.

Heidi: A la Dan Savage and santorum.

If it were not already tied to open relationships/marriages, "open"
would be a great word. As in “She looks all uptight, but I hear she is
deliciously open!” Or “I hear he is really, really open. She is SO
lucky to go out with him tonight!” Or even “He is so open he slept with
her AND her boyfriend!”

Promiscuity and casual sex are not bad things. They can both be very
lovely. However, self-respect and putting yourself first should be the
requirements! Can you imagine this message given to girls?

Sally: Mom, I think Bill is really cute, but I just don’t know about him. I am not sure I am ready to go all the way with him.

Mom: Well dear, are your masturbating to orgasm? You know what I
always say, you can’t be a good lover to someone else, until you are a
good lover to the most important person in your life!

Sally: But mom, maybe he can help me feel sexier and get more in the mood.

Mom: Pish posh, young lady! If you want to grow up to be a proper,
open woman with a healthy life, you need to take control of your own
body. Now I am going to give you my credit card, and you go down to the
local Toys in Babeland and they will help you out! This is your health, young lady, and you need to take it seriously!

So now we pose the question to you, our readers. We need two
separate words for people who are promiscuous: One for those who have
lots of sex that is damaging and disrespectful to mind and body, and
another for those who have lots of sex that is fun, awesome, and life
affirming.

Thoughts? Suggestions? Leave 'em in the comments below and head over to aag's to say howdy too.

So my post on being pro-sex was chosen to be part of Sugasm 167. This makes me obscenely happy.

Below are the other posts chosen. All are very, very nice. Most are obviously NSFW, especially the erotica and photography, but if you read this blog, chances are you are also NSFW. Back to work Pervy McPerverson!!

This Week’s Picks
Every Time You Orgasm, An Angel Gets Its Wings
“There is nothing that screams “fuck you” to the pain and the hurt in the world than screaming “fuck me” to the person in your bed.”

HNT: Spanked
“I wasn’t sure how I felt about him. But tonight, I was sure.”

A Thousand Kisses
“This wasn’t enough. I knew that I had to try something else.”

Mr. Sugasm Himself
Congratulations, you’re invited!

Sugasm Editor
Sex Work And Honesty: Religion

Editor’s Choice
Food, fun and commitment

More Sugasm
Join the Sugasm

Spending a week in Greenwich Village in New York City was one of the most incredible experiences of my life. I was on Christopher Street, the literal birthplace of the gay rights movement. While some of you may wonder why this so deeply touched a married heterosexual mother of two, others of you understand the importance of this to me with no question.

Sexuality is one of the cornerstones of my life. Many people have commented to me that I am sexually inappropriate, as if they are the first person to tell me this. It is not something you need to tell me. I am fully aware that I tend to be obsessed with sex, and that I can make even the most innocuous statement into a horribly dirty joke.

I have poor boundaries about sex. I want to know about your sex life, not to judge or belittle, but to salivate and celebrate. Also, I am just plain nosy.

So to all of those people who think that I need to “grow up” and “shut up” here is my charge to you. Instead of telling me that I am sexually inappropriate, do as some of my other friends have done – tell me it makes you uncomfortable. Own your feelings. Think about what it is that I am saying that makes you nervous, and if you still don’t want to hear things from me, GROW UP and tell me. Do not pathologize my interest in sex, when to me your disinterest is just as odd.

Many people consider sexuality a private, intimate topic to be shared only within the bounds of marriage. Or, they consider sex a compartmentalized piece of their life, something that is great and all, but nothing to get so worked up about. I am not either of those people.

Without sharing too much of stories that are not mine, I grew up knowing the realities of sexual abuse. Although I was never the victim, I can’t remember a time in my life when I was not aware of the dark side of sexuality. Rape and sexual abuse are powerful, destructive forces, and can destroy even the strongest person. It can become not just an assault on the body, but an assault on the mind as well (I would say soul, but we all know I don’t believe in souls :)

I have always been the person that my friends came to to discuss sex with, including their sexual assaults. I have had more people disclose abuse to me than I can count, and once an interviewer even disclosed to me as I was interviewing for a job with her. She had never told anyone and was deeply ashamed.

In 1995, I began my career at a domestic violence/rape crisis center. For the past fourteen years, I have been exposed daily to the worst stories imaginable. Stories that I will not repeat, but can’t forget. Stories that have made me cry at the vulnerability of children, and seethe at the power of men in our society. I have seen women abused within an inch of their life choose to go back to their husband and abandon the child he also assaulted. I have seen boys who were abused as children grow up to become the very monster they feared. I have seen women who were sexually abused in childhood be aghast and surprised when the same abuser hurts their own children. I may not believe in god, but I have certainly seen the devil.

And how do you defeat the devil? With joy, love, and pleasure.

In my line of work, it is pretty easy to become jaded and bitter, and to blame sex, society, and/or men. I have chosen instead to fight from a position of love for humanity by seeking out the joy in sexuality. For every bit as destructive as sexual assault can be, sexual fulfillment can be healing. I will NOT allow the abusers, naysayers, and prudes of the world to deny that power to me or anyone else. In fact, I try at every opportunity to flirt with, celebrate, and encourage the multitude of good, decent, and loving men and women as a direct affront to the pain and suffering my clients and family members have suffered over the years.

I was raised to believe that my body belonged to me, that my sexuality was mine to own, and that sexuality was about pleasure, pure and simple. Sex was not a bargaining chip to get something from others, nor was it a chore that must be endured to receive love. My sexual power was not to be given to someone to else, but rather something to be shared. I was taught to never do anything sexually that I was uncomfortable with, and I never have. I was also taught that with sexuality comes personal responsibility, not only in terms of taking care of my physical and emotional health, but also my experiences. Orgasms were my right as a sexual partner, and a woman, and not a nice “extra” on occasion.

If people are allowed to be obsessed with science, movies, religion, sports, literature, Live Action Role Playing, midgets, ghosts, and lake monsters, why is it such a problem that I choose to focus on one of the most life affirming activities on the planet? There is nothing that screams “fuck you” to the pain and the hurt in the world than screaming “fuck me” to the person in your bed.

I have always loved the quote “The solution to bad art is not censorship, its better art.” Well for me, the solution to bad sex and the pain it brings is not abstinence, its better sex. And better sex will only come about when we admit, deal with, and respect the power that sexuality has in our lives.

Oh, and I am still really nosy.

So last night in the manic throes of trolling for sex chat on the internet (oh how I wish I was joking) I got on Craigslist for fun. It really is a fun place to go to feel better about yourself.

I found some PRIZE people looking for love, right here in my area. So here are Spartanburg’s finest, what their ad says, and what it really means. Thanks to all my friends who helped with this, especially Kimberly and Eileen.

Ad#1

I’m looking for a classy woman to go out with and just have a good time so if you interested please email me back.

Because nothing says class like a car parked in your yard.

Ad#2  The Unicorn Hunters

Are you looking for something different, something fun yet stable? Tell you what would be nice to find someone who is looking for a relationship with a couple/family. We are both married I am 31 nice body, beautiful long dirty blond hair with blue eyes and 5′4″. I am constantly told I am either HOT, GORGEIOUS, BEAUTIFUL, you name it. My husband is very attractive dark hair, dark eyes, and medium to average build 5′8″. We have 3 little girls, 6.7 and 8. What are we looking for? A live in Nanny with benefits someone who enjoys going to the beach for a long weekend to stay at our family beach house with us. Someone to enjoy the days with, along with this and so much more would be the responsibility to help with the kids, so you must love kids.

Come screw me and my husband, and then take care of our children. Who would not be looking for that?

Ad#3 To Catch A Predator Edition

Looking for a cute girl who is getting ready to graduate high school, but doesn’t know what is next. I can be your safe haven and your bridge to the nest level. I know this sounds cheesy, but I am serious, and can help you in a variety of ways. I am clean cut and professional, yet artistic and real, and am not looking for anybody who wants my credit card number for the next conversation. I look forward to hearing from ya’ll….

I will screw you until you are not hot and I have used up your youth and beauty. And don’t be one of those whores like the other girls.

Ad #4: What the Hell is Going On in Spartanburg?

What I DONT want is someone who says, F it lets drink and watch pornos and light up snort stuff and whatever else comes to mind. No condoms? No problem, I dont mind sharing my multiple std’s that I have worked hard for over the years to get with you. HELL NO AND STAY THE FIZZUCK UP OUT OF MY SIGHT! That type of BS can keep on living off BHO’s free mone

Ad#5

Looking for lady to share nudist family friendly activities and events.

What kind of nudist activities are family friendly for someone you just met on Craigslist?

Ad#5

I like older women. Are there any women on here that like young men. I like to have fun doing whatever. I am pretty laid back. I like laying in hammocks and just flirting. I am a lumberjack around the area and am currently going to college for Philosophy

Where the hell is this lumberjack cutting down trees in Upstate South Carolina?

Ad#5

I am a 25 year old white male on here looking for a female that is of any other race or nationality other than white(caucasian). I am really into Hispanic or Asian women. I am 5′5 200lbs, brown hair and eyes. I don’t do drugs or smoke, but I do drink on occasion. I am disease free, have zero kids, & have never been married. I enjoy cooking & eating all types of food.

I have a fetish for asian women and expect you too cook me food while being as subservient as I think Asian women are.

Ad#6

Any ladies interested in meeting a new man in their life? Hit me up on my yahoo messenger latinspice00

anything with spice in it is code word for it burns when I pee

Ad#7

24 yr old seeks older women milf

Please pay my rent, my mother has kicked me out.

Ad#8

SINGLE BLACK FEMALES WANT TO TRAVEL AND HAVE ALL EXPENSES PAID??? (GREENVILLE) single white male with my own business is seeking single black female for companionship to accompany me while I travel…I will pay all your expenses and provide for you all that you may need…You must be over 21,,single ,, be slim or average body type..and free to travel..If you are having a tough time getting your bills paid . . .

black women of Greenville, stay the hell away from this man!!!!

Ad#9

ANY LADIES INTO NASCAR? ANYONE WANT TO WATCH RACE TONITE? HAVE A COUPLE OF STEAKS & LITTLE FUN!!!! ALSO COCKTAILS.

Do people really go watch NASCAR, eat steaks, and drink cocktails with people they just met?

Ad#10

I’m looking for a female in the 18-28 range who is also a nerd/geek type, leaning towards video/card games. With me being average, I expect you to be average in looks and weight as well.

You can be no more or less ugly than me.

Ad#11

I am looking for a woman who would love to have exotic, kinky, and wild sex outside their relationship. You must be disease free. Also willing to be very discreet about everything.. I dont want to know anything about your personal life and you dont ask mine..So ladies if your looking for a little fun outside your marriage im your man

Lying POS seeks same.

Ad#12

Honesty at last: I am a nice guy when i must be, but in all honesty i can be a bit of a dick, i know what i want, i have my goals and nothing is going to come in the way of those. OK, now i’m not a huge guy, not small either,

I can offer you an average sized penis and a promise of a dickish attitude.

Ad#13

goodlooking gentleman, classy and honest. The total package. Im fun and creative. I know how to show a lady a great time. I also have an adventurous, “bad boy”side and cant be tamed but you will enjoy the ride. Im looking for a mature lady, not necessarily older, but emotionally sound. She should be reasonably goodlooking and height/weight propor

You like this.

height/weight propor? So, like, round? Completely sphereical? Not sure a mature lady would fall for this “bad boy’s” bullshit.

I’m planning to cheat on my wife. I’m going to pick a dull woman with low self-esteeem so I can get away with it.

Douche. Ew.

And last but by far my favorite

Ad#14

HEY why cant i just find a good girl? . . . Hey im Thomas, why cant i just find a descent girl. Everytime i think i found one she turns out to be sycho. . . l. I’m 5′10” i have black hair with blonde highlights. . . .also have my left eye brow and tongue pierced with for tattoos. I have 2 little boys who live with their mom.

Let’s see Thomas, why can’t you find a good girl:

1. your spell decent with descent, they are not the same. A descent girl would slowly drag you into hell.

2. You spell psycho with sycho

3. You are 24 and have two little boys who live with their mom

4. You have four, not FOR tattoos. Its a number goddammit, how do you fuck up a number

5. I have 2 little boys who live with their mom.

Black hair with blond highlights? Tongue piercing? Methinks someone is not looking for a woman after all.

Why? For God’s sake, can’t this man find a good woman?

Why are random men writing you with bad grammar and hitting on you? Sounds kinda creepy.

LMAO…
And I don’t see how that’s even possible (black hair with BLOND “highlights”…..)

Think Backstreet Boys, FROM 1999!!!

Yeah Heidi, I think you nailed it!! The reasons the dude isn’t getting laid, I mean…….goood lord!!!!!!!! what are they doing in Sparkle City these days!!! I get that you may be kinky….but what is up with the spelling??

This dude is obviously 2 beers short of a six pack. Butt I is shure he wil find sumone four him if he loks herd enuf.

Many people, including my own personal Voldemort, believe that sex is what has driven the internet to, ah, explode. I have no doubt about this, because people are constantly flirting on the internet, including me. Hell, on my favorite website ever, Pharyngula, people were tapping virtual ass left and right yesterday. Even my new profile pic has major cleavage, and I wanted it that way. I enjoy knowing that someone thousands, or dozens, of feet away looks at my rack and says "Nice rack!!"

But I have to say, I have gotten my first completely random email from a dude hitting on me, from India no less, and it concerns me. It makes me feel scared and unsafe, and afraid for our world.

Oh, no, not because he is hitting on me online – that is perfectly fine. But his spelling and grammar are atrocious. I am not sure how civilization is going to continue when this is what gets sent my way from Facebook: